Replace The Negatives In Your Life,With Positives

If you want to move your life ahead, you should replace the negatives in your life with positives. This article will show you how to take the negative influences in your life away and replace them with positives, so you will have increases in morale, and productivity. Focus on the positive for success and peak performance.

Most of us are not aware of the amount of negative influences in our lives. We are bombarded with negative messages from the media, the people around us, and most damaging of all, ourselves.

The first step in the process in replacing negatives with positives in your life is to make a decision to start looking for the negative messages and ways to replace them with positives. Decide that you will focus on the positive in this world.

Begin to drastically cut down on the amount of news you take in. Most people start their day with the news. And of course most of the news is bad news, fires, floods, etc. Then it is on to traffic and weather, which also stresses the negatives.

So by the time you have finished your coffee, you have had enough bad news to last a week. Does all this bad news make you want to throw open the door and greet the new days, no quite the opposite.

And how about the way we end the day? Many of us watch the news before going to bed and get a big dose of negative information just before trying to go to sleep. Is it any wonder so many people have trouble sleeping?

The mood we are in before we go to sleep carries over to the next morning, so you are setting yourself up for starting the next day in a bad mood. Odds are you don't need all that negative information you are taking in from the news, and you will function just fine without it.

Replace the news you were taking in with such things as, motivational tapes, uplifting music and sites such as happynews.com, that stress good news. Also reading empowering books helps a great deal. Books can be a fantastic way to recharge your life. Look for success stories, biographies of successful people, etc and see what works for you. You will begin to feel better right away.

Your next step is to limit the amount of TV you watch. A recent study showed that 78% of the people watching TV, are not interested in the program they are watching at any given time.

So watching TV is probably making you bored at best, and taking you away from actives that would be more fun. Prime time is the period when most people are watching TV; you can make it your prime time by turning off the TV and using that time to move your life ahead.

Next you need to limit your exposure to negative people. Most people don't realize how draining it is to be around negative people, but they drain your energy and spirit in many ways.

Negative people pull you down, so work to remove them from your life to the extent you can. Never get involved in the office pity party, or complaint sessions that come your way. Seek out people that support you and that you feel good being around and use these people to replace the negative people in your life.

The most damaging source of negativity is ourselves. Most of us generate lots of negative self talk that our minds accept as the truth and results in our being held back in many ways. We focus on our shortcomings, our problems, and spend our time predicting more bad news for ourselves, generating lots of fear and worry, while undercutting our ability to try new things, etc.

Begin to focus on the positive aspects of you. What are your unique strengths, what have you accomplished, how are you different and better than other people? Use visualization and affirmations to build images of yourself accomplishing the things you want and use these to replace the negative images.

Give yourself lots of credit for everything you do right, so you are getting even more positive news about yourself. Also, set aside three minutes every day to think about all the good things you have in your life right now. The process of thinking of the good things in your life, will generate good feelings for you that will last much of the day.

Don't forget to take care of your body. Eat healthy, cut out some bad habits, and get regular exercise in order to boost your self-esteem while building your strength and endurance, so you can accomplish more.

Helping others will also help you feel better about yourself. Take time to get involved in a charity, animal shelter, or other activates that help others. You will get good feedback from others and develop a genuine sense that you are a good person. What you put out comes back to you, so make sure it is good that goes out.

By replacing the negatives in your life, with positives, you will make yourself and probably the world a better place. You will feel better mentally and physically, plus accomplish many of the things you wanted to. Nothing is ever accomplished without action, so start now to move your life ahead.

Edward W. Smith is the author of Sixty Seconds To Success, he produces and hosts the Bright Moment cable TV and internet radio show, is president of the Bright Moment Seminars, is a motivational speaker, and publishes the free, daily, email of the One Minute Motivator (quick peak performance tip). Website http://www.brightmoment.com and his email is edsmith @ brightmoment.com .

Personal Development Secrets: Ever Been in a Hole in Life?

Ever been in a hole in Life? You look around, and suddenly you realize that everything is closed in, and you have dug yourself and your life in a hole!

How?

With your negative words, thinking, opinions, beliefs, doubts and when they really were uncalled for and you couldn't see what was REALLY going on?

For instance:

"I think there is a world market for about 5 computers..." Thomas J. Watson/IBM

Yeah Tom, sure.

"I don't need Bodyguards..." Jimmy Hoffa/two weeks before his disappearance.

Jimmy...where are you?

"I don't think that sound will sell. Guitars are on the way out..." DECCA Records, about a new group called The Beatles.

She loves you, yeah! yeah! yeah!!!!!!

SEE what I mean? Some people's thinking is totally birthed from a RUT.

Let me ask you this: Do you have erroneous opinions about things, hopes, and about your abilities?

Have you dug yourself into a hole, and now it has turned into a very narrow rut?

Wanna know a Secret? That Hole, or rut, will soon become a Grave -- where you have dug yourself in.

Why does that happen??? Simple. You are not seeing the right "hole." People dig themselves into a hole because they are not focused on the WHOLE of a situation, the COMPLETE picture , the full story and the REAL, TOTAL YOU!

The wholeness of the Real You is staggering. The Greatness inside of you is amazing if you quit digging your Hole long enough to see the "Whole" picture of who you REALLY are! You are complete and a GREAT package for Success, but you MUST quit your negative "digging" and start climbing the Ladder of Greatness!

And if you start climbing the Ladder of Greatness, your digging will automatically stop. You will be looking at you, through different eyes. You see the WHOLE picture, not a Hole IN the picture, as most do, and continue to see and believe about themselves their whole lives.

The Beatles did not give up. They saw the Whole Picture. Steve Jobs did not give up. He saw the Whole Picture! What if Thomas Watson were alive today. Think he'd be shocked?

If you find yourself in a Hole and no way out heading into the rest of the year, don't despair. Focus your eyes on the Whole Picture, The Complete Picture, and Total Potential of YOU! Quit digging any further, set your shovel of negative thoughts down, and see what you need to do to start climbing out, with the Whole Vision of Who you are in front of you!

Debt? Put a plan together to pay it off. It will require sacrifice and discipline.

Relationship? It's your time to see the whole picture of the relationship and what you need to do to fix it, or jettison it.

Self Doubt? Quit digging that hole and get the book "As a Man Thinketh" by James Allen - written in 1892. It will change your life like it did mine. See the Whole of the situation, not what you just can see at that moment.

There is greatness inside of you buried in some hole that you dug in your heart.

"Singer? You gotta be kidding. You should go back and finish up the farm work you left. That was the worst singing I ever heard." That came from a Liberty Records Producer stuck on a hole.

 He was talking about a new group called the Mudcats...Who was the Lead Singer?

Elvis Presley. Look at the size of THAT HOLE!

Focus on the Whole, and the holes will get shallower till there are no more... and you will be on a solid path to Success!

Blessings!
Doug Firebaugh
PassionFire Intl
http://www.passionfire.com

Copyright 2005 Doug Firebaugh

About the Author:

Doug Firebaugh is one of the top Network Marketing Trainers/Speakers/Authors in the world. Over a million people a month read his training ezine. He spent the last 7 years traveling the world speaking and training on Success. He lives in Birmingham Michigan, and you can receive a FREE subscription to his training ezine- The Success HEAT- at:
http://www.passionfire.com/pf_heat_4.html
http://www.passionfire.com

Intuition and Instinct, Our Friends

Say the word 'intuition,' and some cringe. It sounds too new-age, too touchy-feely. Its close cousin instinct sounds animalistic.

Western culture tends to denigrate information that comes to us through means other than logic, reason and analysis.

Yet, intuition and instinct can save us from hassle and heartache, lead us to happiness, even save our lives.

Here's a real life example.

A number of years ago I was driving in Manhattan on a Saturday night. The light was green. I was crossing Second Avenue, when out of the corner of my eye I saw a car approaching the intersection from my left running his red light.

I had about a quarter of a second before impact. There was no time for to think, no time for fear. only time to act.

I gunned the gas.

Kaboom!

My car was lifted into the air, spinning as I was jerked around in a crazy carnival ride.

The impact was on the left side of the car. I was in the middIe of the intersection when I felt the impact.

I saw the driver's side window dissolve. The impact was so great that when I landed, the car was on the sidewalk facing into the street. Its back lay just inches away from the traffic light.

My car was in ruins but the seatbelt held firm. I walked out with nothing more than a few minor scratches.

When I gunned the gas, my car advanced just enough so the impact of the other vehicle was to the rear passenger seat; not the driver's seat where I was sitting.

That action saved me from, at minimum, serious physical injury.

It was an action of sheer instinct - coming from the "right side of the brain."

>From time to time we are all called to make snap judgments, we have all gotten a bad feeling about a person, a situation.

We've all uttered the phrase, "I can't put my finger on it, but ." And more often than not, later on, our apprehensions are confirmed by events.

That is our intuition talking.

So ... Are you listening?

Your ability to size up people in a first impression is, in part, the result of your taking in the person's body language, dress and demeanor on an unconscious level. Although I think there is more to it than that, the question of what makes up intuition is beyond the scope of this article.

Nonetheless, intuition speaks to us in many ways.

It can be the reaction of your body to a person or a situation.

You tense up around threatening people.

You experience an uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach when you have to operate in a situation where something is "not quite right." Sure, it looks fine on the surface, but there's more to the story than meets the eye.

Intuition works the other way, too. Some people and places feel easy and comfortable. We feel strong and recharged around them.

They are good for us. We just accept it. We feel no need to question.

There are many applications to the use of intuition in our personal and business lives. We tend do well in settings and around people that support our abilities and support us emotionally.

Your intuition can be a divining rod leading you to those settings. By monitoring your feelings, your reactions, your energy levels, you can determine whether something or someone is good for you.

A feeling of uneasiness, queasiness should serve as a red flag when, say taking on a new client, a new project, a new partner, a new job. Then it is time to call in your powers of logic, observation and analysis to ferret out the reasons why you feel this way.

More often than not, your gut will warn you before you are able to see the landmine.

I suggest looking at intuition and logic as two complementary ways of processing information. If the two aren't pointing in the same direction, more likely than not, you don't have all of the information.

Proceed with caution.

And when they do point the same way, you can be confident that you on the right track.

Then it's full steam ahead.

Ellen Zucker has been successfully self-employed over 10 years. She owns the web site http://www.selfemployment101.com.

Self-Employment 101: It's about making a living and creating a life! ... Observations, information and resources for those of us who are self employed or just thinking about it.

First Step To Success: Eliminate Your Inner Obstacles

Think back to a time in your life when you felt inspired and excited to make a significant change. Did you go for it or did your inner obstacles get in the way?

Your thoughts and beliefs are the foundation on which you build your success. You can't build a solid house on a foundation of clay and debris and the same truth holds for your success.

If your thoughts and beliefs are shaky, these obstacles will hold you back unless you eliminate them.

Sometimes it is our friends, colleagues and family members who sow the seed of doubts by trying to talk you out of changing your path. It is when you decide to make a better life for yourself that your decision will be met by all kinds of cautious warnings. All unsolicited under the guise of serious concern and well meaning.

People will say such things as "that sounds great, "but do you have any idea how much that will cost you or how long it'll take to get the kind of result you want?" Or, "And what will you do if it doesn't work out?" Or, "what will happen if . . .?" Downright to "you'd better stick to what you have now, at least you know what you've got".

Regardless the origin of these warnings, they only serve to increase your level of anxiety and self doubts. The best way to handle such opinions is to thank your friends for their concern. Turn deaf ears to their platitudes and decide to watch out for whom you share your ideas with in the near future.

Learning to handle obstacles is the best way to stand your ground and succeed. While running away only undermines your self esteem.

Nature presents you with these challenges in order to learn to weather the storm and grow stronger.

To succeed at overcoming obstacles you need to have the guts not to quit, but to see things through; to have the strong faith to believe more in yourself than in the obstacles and to have the willingness to do what it takes to turn the obstacles around.

This means, you need to stand up to your obstacles and firmly believe you can overcome them. When you attack your obstacles and do something about them, you'll find that they are not as threatening as they appeared to be at first.

Decide that you will not give up and if something has to give, it will have to be the obstacles and not you.

Standing up to your obstacles imparts you with a sense of accomplishment and reinforces the sense of your inner power. By developing a habit of facing resistance, you instill into your psyche a strong message of endurance and success. This strengthens the faith and the belief in yourself. Which helps remind you of the responsibility to yourself.

Sometimes you may have to resort to some other measures to overcome obstacles. If you can't get through the problem, try going around it, and if you can't go around it, try getting under it, and if you can't get under it, try going over it, and if you can't go over it, just dive straight into it.

Reflection:

Ask yourself if the obstacle can be ignored. Your fixation of the problem only renders it more cumbersome. If possible, stop paying attention to it.

Use humour or your wits to get around the obstacle. This helps to diffuse the tension around the issue.

Take the bull by the horn and confront the obstacle. Doing this might be challenging at first, particularly if you are not used to confrontation. Yet the more you do it, the easier it will become.

Action Point:

1.See obstacles as propeller to move you forward and use them wisely.

2. Repeat loudly as often as necessary to yourself : "I can overcome this, and I will".

3. Confront obstacles as habits of success and not of failure.

4. Develop the ability to overcome, bypass, or eliminate obstacles.

5. When difficult circumstances arise, have the confidence to take action. Don't allow other people to put obstacles in your path. Learn to overcome obstacles by standing up to them without complaining. Have the faith and strength to change your thoughts and beliefs that you can succeed and you will.

About the Author:

Kunbi Korostensky, N.D., Psychotherapist and Certified Life Coach is specialised in supporting people who want to turn the changes in their lives into invigorating joy and happiness. View her ebooklet Top 10 holistic Questions to Embrace Change and Grow at: http://www.embracingchanges.com.BooksandCDs.html. or: mailto: kunbi@embracingchanges.com

How To Gain Rapport

Do you want to gain rapport with someone you like, but you don't know how?

Does this person you want to gain rapport with talk in a low or high voice? Does s/he talk fast or slow? Does s/he talk in a way that almost every sentence ends in a question?

What would happen if, while talking to the same person, you talked in the same high or low voice? Fast or slow as s/he does? End your sentence with a question, if s/he does?

Does the person you want to gain rapport with gesture a lot? Look you in the eye, or avoid your eyes? Touch you on your shoulder or back?

What would happen if, while talking to the same person, you gestured a lot? Looked or didn't look him or her in the eye, or avoid his or her eyes? Touched him or her on the shoulder or back?

What would be computing in his or her brain? *You are a lot like me!* That's whom most people like -- someone who is a lot like them. Someone who *obviously* understands them, speaks the same language, etc.

OK, now you know the goal -- you want them to feel comfortable with you and even, yes, LIKE you. Here's a process that will help you accomplish that.

Let's say you both frequent the coffee shop downtown, the water cooler in the office, or the same grocery store on the same night. In your mind, visualize that person you want to gain rapport with in that meeting place. Now, visualize you walking in. From the minute you see him/her, you adapt his/her mannerisms and speech patterns. Not obviously, of course, but her/his subconscious will definitely pick up on it, and immediately feel comfortable with you. When that person feels comfortable with you, guess what? You've gained rapport. Now, be nice and enjoy it as much as that person does.

Thanks for reading.

Jan

P.S. If you'd like help with your relationships, you'll love having me as a mentor! To find out more about my powerful ecourse *RelationshipEcourse*, go here: http://www.tameyourbrain.com/relationshipEcourse/offer.php

Copyright 2005, Jan Tincher, All Rights Reserved Worldwide

DISCLAIMER: Jan Tincher and/or *Tame Your Brain!* do not guarantee or warrant that the techniques and strategies portrayed will work for everyone. The techniques and strategies are general in nature and may not apply to everyone. The techniques and strategies are not intended to substitute for obtaining medical advice from the medical profession. Always consult your own professionals before making any life-changing decisions.

Jan Tincher, Master Neuro-Linguistic Programmer and Hypnotherapist, has written some great articles on how to succeed. Check them out here: http://www.tameyourbrain.com/success/index1.htm

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Be Proactive - The First Of The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People

The first Covey Habit is to "be proactive".

Now when I first heard this I thought this basically meant "do stuff". Proactive people to me were people who simply did things rather than sit and watch, they took the initiative. So to me this was going to be an easy one, and being the first I thought it should be. WRONG!

Proactivity here is about choice. It's about taking the initiative to stop - think - choose. The biggest hurdle for most of us is realising we have choice. Covey separates what happens around us from how we react to it. I'll say that again another way, as it is extremely core to the chapter and the rest of the book: Covey separates what happens to us from how we decide to react to it. At first this sounds like a nice concept, but will it work in reality?

Can you believe it, as I try and write this, my son has set two electronic keyboards to continually play random tunes, it is so loud I can hardly think! So what is happening? There is a lot of noise and I am struggling to concentrate. How am I reacting? I could use my power as a parent to tell him to stop it 'daddy is working' or even go over and unplug it.

On the other hand I could accept he wants to do something with me, talk to him about making a time that works for both of us and ask him to let me finish so we can play together sooner. Maybe he does not realise the impact of the noise on my concentration. WOW! - would you believe it, he found the noise annoying also and has just turned it off himself.

Let's look at this as Covey would. My initial response of "TURN THAT DOWN!!!" is completely reactive. It's the second response that Covey would describe as proactive. I took what was happening around me and chose for myself the response that best worked for me.

Initially I felt I had no choice, it was so loud and I just wanted it to stop, my initial reaction was to stop it using whatever I had - in this case the authority of being the parent. How much better would have been my second choice?

Proactivity is about accepting that there is always a choice of how you react to things around you. Ok, I can hear you "But surely some things are so basic there simply is no choice". You may not believe me now, but because we can only see through our own eyes, what we perceive as our reality, is often not the reality of others.

There is a model called Rational Emotive Therapy (RET). This is often used where people feel helpless in the face of mounting odds. It is especially effective where people feel they are being oppressed by others for no reason. The model has three steps:

1. What is the strongest emotion? - Depression, Anger, Fear, or something else? As a side note it can be handy to identify that Depression tends to be about the past, Anger about the present and Fear about the future. This can help guide the appropriate reaction.

2. What was the trigger for this emotion? Find what incident was at the start of the emotion. Often this might be "He said.." or "They decided..". ie Actions of others. This is identifying the "have done to me" aspect that Covey uses to identify reactive responses. Here we are identifying those reactive responses to help us find proactive ones we can choose from.

3. What are other reasons or options? Here is where we investigate what might have driven others to make the choices they did.

Let's look at my son's music example from above. My strongest emotion was Anger. It was very much in the present. What was the trigger? - My son creating all the noise. Why? - He wanted me to stop working and play with him. I now have a good basis to decide how I am going to respond and be consciously proactive.

To be proactive is then to choose how we respond to what is happening around us. We need to take the initiative and not react to only what we see as the reality. Better to stop, assess and choose the response that best serves us.

Covey also talks about the concept of "Circle of Influence" and "Circle of Concern". These are the second part of "being proactive", and I will discuss them in "Habit 1 - Be Proactive (part b)".

Cheers

Steve

BYLINE: After years as a successful consultant I found myself leading a team. In an effort to move from being a leader to showing Leadership I am on a journey of discovery. If you have found yourself in a similar position, join with me at http://2leadership.com. - Steve

Living a Life of Constant Total Amazement

In the movie, Joe vs the Volcano, Joe Banks played by Tom Hanks is a loser. His life is despicable and the news is: Joe is selling his soul to his boss for a measly 300 bucks a week.

Joe is also a hypochondriac which leads him to a doctor that tells Joe he has a terminal brain cloud and only a few months to live.

So this is the wake up call Joe needs to start living. He quits his job then runs into an eccentric billionaire played by Lloyd Bridges who promises to give Joe the lifestyle of a king if he will end up jumping into a volcano.

Joe agrees and it's fun to watch him go on the shopping spree going around in the white limo. Then he is transported first class by air to Los Angeles, where he meets up with the billionaire's daughter Patricia played by Meg Ryan, who is going to transport Joe to a remote island on her yacht.

One night on the yacht with the breeze gently blowing, Joe and Patricia are talking and Joe says that Patricia's life..... and life..... seem so unbelievable to him.

Patricia responds:

"My father says almost the whole world's asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says only a few people are awake. And they live in a state of constant total amazement."

The whole world's asleep.....think about that for a minute.

Why was that put in there?

If you watched the move, did that strike you as being unbelievable it was even there?

What being asleep and what waking up means is what we are going to explore for the rest of the article.

Waking Up that's what it's about. It took a death sentence for Joe to begin waking up. When he did, he found himself entering into a world that was unbelievable and a world that most folks don't even know exists.

Let's flash forward in the movie to the scene where it's night and Joe is on a raft and the moon begins to rise overhead.

The moon seems so huge and awesome to Joe that as a movie watcher you become so caught up in the vastness of the moon and the drama of the movie that you almost become one with the entire experience.

Before this in the movie he is asking himself and others the question does God exist. Joe is awestruck, and in that moment of realization, he just knows that God exists and becomes so grateful for his life. The moment is one of total amazement for Joe and the movie watcher.

In that moment when Joe becomes one with the experience, he now understands.....the need for questions to be answered isn't there.....he wakes up to the present moment and all the present moment is trying to convey to him and finally the understanding he has been seeking comes.

Most of us are lost in thought. Now we're not talking about practical thought, those thoughts you need to drive a car or solve problems, we're talking about all those thoughts which aren't needed for life - thoughts that are painful to us.

Being asleep means being lost in painful or unwanted thoughts.

The best way to explain this is for you to begin watching your thoughts. You'll see that some of these thoughts aren't very nice at all. You may be having a fight with your boss at this very moment while reading this. You may have found yourself a thousand miles away.

Many of these thoughts we have are unkind and detrimental to our well being. How many times have you found yourself putting yourself down for something you didn't do right, or found yourself getting angry or upset over some event, or even found yourself in a mental fight with someone?

Someone cuts you off on the freeway and you immediately go spastic and begin to shoot mental bullets at them.

Those thoughts put you in a state of sleep and prevent you from being fully aware of the present world around you.

In the beginning of the movie, Joe was in a constant state of psychic slumber. He had no amazement, no awe, no wonder of life. His life was despicable.

When Joe began waking up, his life began to turn to a state of amazement and awe and wonder at what was happening in the present moment around him. Just watch the scene where he is with DeDe at dinner and you'll see the difference between a man at sleep and a man that is awake.

In fact DeDe says, "What's happened to you. This morning you were like a lump, now..... You're So Alive."

It is in this state of amazement that you often find children playing. They are having fun with life because they are not lost in thought about some fear, they are totally within and alive in the present moment and awake to what they are doing.

These unkind thoughts we have draw us farther away from the awe and amazement that life really is.

And as you begin to wake up and live in the present moment, amazing things can and do happen.

Which way would you rather live?

In a world where you are lost in painful thoughts or a world where you are in a state of constant total amazement?

Go watch a cat. Cats are fully awake and aware in their own present moment. What creature is there that more lives a life of amazement than a cat?

Cat's don't get lost in thought like we do, they are fully aware of themselves and their environment all the time. Now a cat may stare intensly at a predator, but it is not lost in thought.

To be fully awake to the present moment, begin to watch your thoughts. Some of them may be ugly. When you practice watching your thoughts, you'll begin to see yourself going off in all different kinds of directions over nothing, it's these thoughts that keep us asleep and away from a state of wonder and awe.

Don't try to change them, don't begin to put yourself down for having them, for now, just watch them and see how you react to them.

Next work on being present in the now. Watch yourself as you do everything. Become aware of where your arms are, where your legs are, what temperature is it. As you read this, watch yourself reading and be aware of where and who you are doing this.

Become fully awake to you and the experiences of this present moment and you will begin to see the amazement and wonder of your life as it should be.

Dave Cole Prosperity: The Choice Is Yours Copyright © 2005

Dave's E-zine provides you with inspiration, motivation, and postive life values to assist you in having more Prosperity, Peace & Understanding in your life. Get your F R E E subscription today.

http://choosetoprosper.com

10 Things Between You and a Great Life

1. Unfinished business:

Free yourself from the past by identifying and cleaning up your unfinished business. Call an end to whatever you started - a project, a diet, a feud, a commitment - by dumping it, delegating it, or doing it.

2. Ignoring the Present:

Today is a result of all the Today’s that came before it. A well lived present will naturally produce wonderful future. Save a dollar today, and you’ll have a dollar tomorrow. Eat 500 calories less today, and you’ll lose weight tomorrow. Only what you do TODAY can affect tomorrow.

3. No Priorities:

Never trade what you want at the moment, for what you want the most. If you just react to the next thing that gets your attention, you’ll never have enough time for what is important. Don’t schedule your time around your priorities…schedule your Priorities around your time.

4. Betraying yourself:

Telling lies to yourself is the most hurtful form of disrespect. Write out the ways in which you have been untruthful to yourself, and how you can change that. “I will no longer pretend that what I put into my mouth doesn’t matter.” “I will no longer pretend that overspending my budget is ok.”

5. People Pleasing:

If you always say yes even when you want to say no, you will find yourself unhappily going through the motions of living, giving control of your time, energy, and spirit to anyone who asks for it. Free yourself by learning to quietly assert your boundaries.

6. Accepting Energy Drainers:

Everyday crisis and problems ARE NOT “just the way it is”. Choose to put life on your schedule. Make a conscious choice to simplify your tasks, organize your environment, and set up your life to support how you want to live.

7. Complaining Instead Of Asking:

You will only get as much as you ask for. Complaining is passive, not active. Choose to consciously educate people on what you need by making a request instead of complaining.

8. Low Reserves:

Without reserves to back you up, you will make decisions based on your LACK –lack of money, lack of time, lack of energy. And that will cause you to make mistakes, and miss opportunities. Systematically eliminate things from your life until you have a built-in reserve of time and money; then build from there.

9. Hiding your weakness:

Let your weakness help you be more truthful. Educate people. “I’m really impatient; please let me know if I skip over something you don’t understand.” “I’m not good with secrets; please don’t tell me anything that you don’t want me to repeat.”

10. Wishing Instead of Planning:

START! Do something! If you just sit around *wishing* that things would be better, it’s not likely that they ever will be. As my mother used to say, “wish in one hand, pour peas in the other…see which fills up faster.” Create a plan, and get into action.

Professional Life Coach Kathy Gates specializes in helping people who are ready to create a simpler, less stressful, more joyful and meaningful lifestyle. Get information on her programs and services at www.reallifecoach.com or call 480.998.5843.

Change Your Mind, Shift Your Life

Everyone can draw from the Universal Reserve Bank. What is it, you ask?

It has taken me years of inner searching to realize the answer!

I have come to believe each human being is wealthy. We are completely surrounded by abundance, and this abundance takes many forms; we all have an infinite number of cells in our bodies, as well as limitless thoughts, ideas, hope, and love for ourselves and others.

As wealthy as we are, the #1 quest for many of us is the search for financial abundance. In order to achieve this, it is necessary to know our true desires and cash in on our assets at the Universal Reserve Bank (URB). This is available to each and every one of us.

Assets do not always have to be monetary. Look within yourselves. I, like Tina Turner, who insured her legs for several million dollars, have come to recognize that I am the asset. I am wealthy. I am the Universal Reserve Bank (URB). Now that I know the secret, I live consciously, in the now, knowing that each time I use my skills and I am paid, I am defining how much I am cashing in on my reserve.

We must learn that we are magnets for this abundance; we have the ability to draw it to us. To do this effectively, we must first identify what we desire, and then create positive affirmations to attract it to us.

This requires a shift in our thinking. For example, the imprinting I received in my early years stemmed from a life where there was money, but it wasn't spent on me, and therefore the message that was subconsciously conveyed was that I wasn't deserving of money.

This imprinting affected me throughout my life in many circumstances, creating businesses that would fail, not trying to attain wealth because I thought, "What's the point, I won't get it anyway?" I never went the distance. After many mishaps and failed ventures, I finally got to a place where I "changed my mind and shifted my life".

What I mean is that something needs to click inside of you, an "epiphany", so to speak, for things to start what some may call "gelling". This is a definitive moment when you may even feel a physical shift happen.

This has become my life's purpose: to assist others in "getting it". I wonder, what do you feel are your assets? Have you defined and are living the lifestyle of your choosing? Why not?! Choose the lifestyle you wish to have and draw from your bank account. Change Your Mind, Shift Your Life.

About the author: Sonia Haynes is an international motivational speaker, radio and television guest, intuitive wealth & emotional coach, mystic and author of "The Power of Money". For more information about Sonia's products or workshops, please visit http://www.soniahaynes.com.

The Real Reason Why People Skills Are So Important

Many people recognize the importance of superior people skills as a means to get ahead, to be successful and to be effective in the world.

However there is a far more important reason to develop great people skills. True happiness depends on your ability to form healthy mutually supportive relationships with people you care about. This applies at home, socially and at work.

Consider those who have happy, full lives. What do they have in common? Money? Good looks? Career success? Although desirable, none of those attributes are essential for a happy life.

Happy people get on very well with other people...

Truly happy people share the ability to deal with people from all walks of life and have a knack for making others like them. They are likeable people and others enjoy their company and want to hear what they have to say.

The more you develop this ability to relate well to the people in your day-to-day life the happier you will be. Why is this true?

Because surrounding yourself with people who like and care about you is the best way to boost your self-esteem. It is also the only sure fire way to both enjoy the journey and deal with the ups and downs of life.

Consider this question: what do the happiest moments in your life have in common?

For most of us these special moments involved other people - people we enjoy being with just for the fun of spending time with them. If these same memories had happened without them you might not even recall the moment.

It is this special human connection with great people that is the source of the fun, the laughter and the happiness. And of course, the more often we have these connections the happier we feel.

Want even more happiness?

Well, you know what to do... create more special moments by developing such good people skills that happy moments become part of how you live rather than occasional and random happenings.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

3 Reasons Why Goal Setting Never Works For You

Although goal setting is fundamental to achieving greater success and happiness, most people make the same goal setting mistakes.

Here are the three mistakes that can prevent you from having the success and happiness you deserve:

1. Setting goals that do not inspire you

This is the biggest mistake I see people making. Instead of setting a goal to live in their dream home they instead aim a little lower and hope to pay the rent on time next month.

This is a mistake because paying bills will never inspire you to get up early and stay up late. Getting by does not require you to be all you can be and in fact it tires you and leaves you feeling exhausted at the end of each day.

2. Trying to use money as a motivator

A related mistake is focusing on money. It�s hard to get excited about numbers on a financial statement. Your intelligence will not let you work harder for the sake of improving a list of numbers.

People who get a lot done rarely work just for the money. They have inspiring reasons to improve their lives and they use money as a tool to get things done and to get what they want. Money itself is not the ultimate goal.

3. Avoiding regular progress reviews

The vast majority of people set goals once a year in January, forget about them and repeat the process 12 months later. This is a recipe for failure.

Unless you review your goals and measure your progress or lack of it there is no way you can correct a lack of action or identify actions that are taking you further from your goals.

The failure to plan leads to poor results while the failure to track your progress leads to frustration and the false hope that your dreams will come true.

What is the solution?

1. Set bigger goals that excite you, goals that you can see, hear and touch in your mind�s eye. Then, imagine these goals as real. This makes it much easier to hold in mind what you want and to make your dreams come true.

2. Aim to get things that exist in the world and to enjoy time with people you care about - use money as a facilitator that enables you to make these goals happen.

Keep your attention on the ultimate end results and staying motivated become much easier. e.g. a beautiful home and happy family rather than a million bucks in the bank.

3. Finally, on a weekly and monthly basis track your progress against your most important goals. Unless you measure and assess your effectiveness you have no opportunity to adjust your approach when you are off track.

Objectively notice what you are doing well and what you are neglecting. Then make improvements to your approach as required.

Now, stop using goal setting the wrong way and start enjoying more success with these three powerful solutions to the most common goal setting mistakes.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report that reveals how to crush procrastination and sustain lasting motivation. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.getmotivatedstaymotivated.com/special.htm

Prolong Your Life With This Attitude

"I've Gotta Hustle"

© Vincent R Moloney MD

As we get older we gradually weaken and lose some or a lot of our ability to do things. There are two reasons for this deterioration and they are the process of aging and the decline in usage of our abilities. Any power, strength, faculty or ability that we possess as human beings, mental or physical, can be strengthened by repetition and increased usage.

Conversely, the opposite occurs when we do just the opposite and stop using our abilities. When our faculties are relieved from being needed and required to function and are no longer used the body realizes this and allows something to happen called "atrophy" which comes from the Greek for "shrinking".

This results in a loss of function. It happens to the physical such as strength, reflexes, balance, stamina, coordination, etc. and the mental such as arithmetic, percentages, planning, problem solving decision- making, judgment, etc.

While going through life we drop doing things one by one, especially the physical, while we are caught up in having too much to do. The biggest change comes when we retire at which time we no longer have to use our mental faculties as well as the physical ones.

If we allow ourselves to sink into an inactive state we can end up in a sorry state in later life and we've all seen examples of this. Our powers do "atrophy".

We can do something about this. Remember the two reasons for deterioration: the process of aging and the decrease in usage. The process of aging cannot be stopped but perhaps it can be slowed. The loss of abilities due to decreased usage is where we can really make a difference.

First we address the easiest part, the physical. Institute a good aerobic exercise program consisting of 45 minutes of walking that benefits heart and lungs as well as muscles. Add to this a 20-minute weight lifting regimen for upper body and a few calisthenics and you should be fine.

The more difficult part is the mental decline. I see articles touting the measurable improvement resulting from mental "calisthenics" such as going through program of exercises designed to use mental functions. It seems a little lame to me.

I think it's better to involve yourself in doing things that require the use of mental powers like part time jobs, an officer of various clubs and service organizations, computer and internet, writing letters to the editor, an online business and many things that are available.

These will require the use of mental faculties and keep them strong and limber. These activities should require you to be putting something on the line where the outcome is in doubt and depends on your successful completion of the task or project thus generating a degree of anxiety. Your best mental faculties are then called into play.

If you have enough of these activities you find yourself waking up in the morning and thinking, "I've gotta hustle" to get things done or I'll fall behind or fail.

This also generates a level of anxiety that is communicated down into the deepest levels of bodily functioning where primitive processes such as defense against infection, immune system functioning, resisting cancerous changes, slowing cell breakdown and the aging process and resistance to deterioration in general are going on.

These processes are galvanized in a positive way to help slow these negative effects. This can go a long way towards prolonging our lives, keeping us healthy and maintaining us as capable functioning persons deep into old age.

Love to learn to play music? Gain the knowledge you need to cut out most of the drudgery of endless practice. Dr. Moloney is a retired Family Practitioner who has had a lifelong interest in music and teaching. Empower yourself to take charge of your learning by studying his E-book. http://www.musicsimplified.com/

Letting Go of Control

Living your joy is more than just the tasks on your to do list. This article teaches you how to open your heart and make a quantum leap in your impact.

One of the most wonderful aspects of living your dream are the unexpected gifts that appear along the way. As many of you know, I have spent the winter writing a two-character musical which my partner and I will soon perform in various locations around the US and Canada. (See below.) what I have gotten from it is something I've known I needed since ... well, forever.

I've learned to open my heart.

Those who've been following my work probably think of me as a pretty open- hearted gal. And I am! Nothing makes me happier than to spread my Joy work and my platform work, send out inspirational messages, and generally buck up creative dreamers. However, there has always been a small chunk of my psyche that couldn't just relax and surrender. Instead, it's been dedicated to trying to manage and control my results and otherwise 'make' something happen.

Why? Because no matter how much I've spoken about the need to surrender to your process and 'not know', I've had trouble following this advice myself. As a psychic told me long ago, I would have all that I dreamt of ... but only when I opened my heart.

For a long time, I had no idea what 'opening my heart' would feel or even look like. I meditated about it and got nothing. I tried spiritual exercise programs, visualizations, drumming, and even acupuncture. Nothing worked.

And yet a decade later, as I dig into the 'big dream' - the one that has always seemed most challenging, most exciting, and most passionate - my heart has opened like a well-oiled door.

What I can feel is a new willingness to simply experiment, to put things out there and see where they go. Not as a test of my self-worth, but simply as an offer that might be accepted or rejected. And here's the beauty part: in my open-hearted state, the result no longer matters. All that does is that I'm listening to the guidance in my heart and taking each step along the way.

When you're open-hearted you no longer need to understand the process; you operate from a gut level of passion and certainty. You know what needs to be done next, and that is truly all that matters. You truly give up the need to be successful, and so open the way to receive all that is meant to come your way. Beautifully, opening your heart is an act of supreme generosity with big pay-offs for you.

It's a paradox, really. For without this openness, you cannot attract the people who are meant to help you spread or receive your work. Without this openness, you can't expand your power to be the greater you. And without it, you certainly can't tap into the full extent of your creative juices.

Part of this I attribute to working with my partner, Ryan Brown, who is 19, wildly optimistic, equally guided, and wonderfully willing to try anything creatively. And part I attribute to my very supportive husband, Larry, who doesn't even fully 'get' this work yet, but who stills sees how extremely happy it makes me ... and so is my emotional rock.

This musical, which I wrote about in Joy Letter 119, has caused me to muster up my courage and become the thousand per cent authentic version of me. And that, dear friends, is the glorious bi-product of opening your heart. You grow, you reap, and you enjoy.

Here are a few things to ask yourself as you assess just how open your own heart is these days. Take out a journal, and contemplate these questions when you have some quiet time. This is your chance to see how much further you can go with your own dream.

1. Where are you holding back on your dream?

2. What are the sources of your fear?

3. If you had a different life, what would be your primary work every day?

4. What would have to be different in your life at this time to make that happen?

5. Answer honestly: what could you change over the next six months to make your dream work a greater priority.

6. Who's permission are you waiting for to get going?

7. What are your biggest fears about fully surrendering to your dream?

8. What would life be like once you fully surrendered to your dream? (Be specific.)

Suzanne Falter-Barns is an internationally known author and speaker who's work has been featured in Woman's Day, SELF, More, Fitness, and more than 100 radio and TV shows. Pick up her free article, '36 Guaranteed Time Savers' at www.howmuchjoy.com To reprint this article, please use with this bio box intact. Thanks! ©2005 Suzanne Falter-Barns LLC.

How To Get The Respect And Appreciation You Deserve

If you have ever tired to win the respect and approval of others you know how difficult it can be. Especially when people are not responsive causing you to feel anxious and even more nervous.

What typically happens next is that you perform poorly because you feel tense. You fail to express yourself as well as you can so others do not see you in the best light. This of course is not a good recipe for winning respect and appreciation.

What can you do to create a favorable impression in the eyes of those you want to impress?

1. Relax when meeting people

This is easier said than done unless you know how to quickly relax even in difficult situations. The ability to relax when under pressure is an essential skill that allows you to be at your best whenever you need to be.

When you feel relaxed you will quickly and easily keep the conversation flowing, you won�t worry about making mistakes and you�ll find it easier to think of interesting things to say. Imagine how good that will feel!

Feeling relaxed enables you to enjoy the moment, to pay closer attention to whoever you are talking to and to drop those nagging feelings of self-consciousness.

Instant relaxation is the secret to effortlessly making conversation on a broad range of topics without worrying about saying the wrong thing. (more about how to relax in a moment later in this article)

2. Don’t beg for respect

A common mistake is to be overly nice in the hope of earning respect. This approach never works. The harder you try to impress the more desperate you will seem.

The best way to earn respect is to start by respecting yourself. Positive self-talk, affirmations and visualization all go a long way towards building a sense of pervasive self-esteem that others pick up on.

The more you respect yourself, the better other people will treat you. Why? Because your posture, the way you talk and you entire presence will change for the better when you feel better about yourself.

Others merely reflect back how you treat yourself. When you change your behavior other people respond by changing how they interact with you.

When you have more self-respect for some strange reason whoever you talk to will pick up on it and start showing you more respect.

3. Respect and appreciate the other person

The more you choose to like and appreciate the person you are talking to the more that person will warm to you. When you exude interest, when you really listen to the other person and especially when you compliment that person you encourage a favorable response in them.

People feel obligated to return good treatment with more of the same. You will notice more compliments, genuine interest in you and even delight when you give of these qualities first. So remember to give what you want to get!

Doing so can feel awkward and uncomfortable at first if you are used to letting others do most of the talking. You need to get used to speaking up and even leading the conversation if you are to create an environment of mutual respect and appreciation.

This is a very important distinction - if you do not make this change in how you deal with people you will never be more than a relatively passive observer of the conversations unfolding before you.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.conversationtalk.com/

How to Accomplish Your Goals with Speed, Ease, Comfort and Joy

Things you need to know about the mind, before you start this process:

How You Got to Be You – so that you understand where your present motivation originates. It is in your subconscious beliefs, created as a child by your 8th year of life. So when you are thinking I am never going to be like the negative person that was a part of my young life, now is the chance to change their influence on you.

Changing a subconscious belief just takes time. Twenty-eight days of doing the process I am going to teach you. My ASIST (Auto- Suggestion, Immersion, Success Techniques) Process is based on the principle of operate conditioning – doing the same thing over and over until "you get it".

You'll be writing positive affirmations to create new Subconscious Statements of Facts. It is in the subconscious mind that 90% of the energy is held, that will motivate you. It is the new subconscious beliefs that will support you creating new ideas, as well as putting them into action.

It is also your new Subconscious Statements of Facts that will be sending out energy to the universe to draw to you the people who will help you and creating the events needed to accomplish your goals. You will begin to believe and feel you are the luckiest person in the world – as your new positive ideas, feelings and events begin to work in your life.

To begin changing your life with speed, ease, comfort and joy you must be consistent and persistent in follow the steps in this process, until you have accomplished your goals.

1. Decide on the goal, write it down, including the date you intend to have accomplished the goal. DON'T DO MORE THAN 3 GOALS AT A TIME. YOU'LL BE MORE EFFECTIVE IF YOU DO THEM ONE AT A TIME.

2. Write the following Subconscious Statements of Facts in the morning 7 times, all at one sitting.

I now truly believe I can and now do attain, maintain and expand my Subconscious Statements of Facts to accomplish all of my goals with speed, ease, comfort and joy. I attain, maintain and expand this belief subconsciously, consciously, spiritually and physically with speed, ease, comfort and joy.

3. Write the following Subconscious Statements of Facts in the evening 7 times, all at one sitting.

I now truly believe I can and now am attaining, maintaining and expanding my Positive Subconscious Statements of Facts to accomplish my entire goal of with speed, ease, comfort and joy. I attain, maintain and expand this belief subconsciously, consciously, spiritually and physically with speed, ease, comfort and joy.

4. Once you have finished writing the evening Subconscious Statements of Facts – visualize your goal as if you have already accomplished it. Once your subconscious mind accepts the goal as now – it begins to make it happen.

5. Make visual reminders of the goal – such as writing the goal out on index cards – reading them throughout the day. Making pictures of the goal – that you can look at during the day.

For more information on effective methods of accomplishing your goals visit http://www.hypnoplace.com.

Author: Daze' Lisenkoff, Ph.H., C.Ht. Motivational Hypnotherapist, Life You may listen to The Daze' Hypnosis Show at http://www.success-talk.com/index.asp?s=h&hd=193&ch=23 Website: http://www.hypnoplace.com

Beating and Balancing the Odds of Success

You believe in the power of goal setting. But what if your goal seems wildly impossible? You want to build a business in a competitive field, get a job for which you're barely qualified or selling a book?

Great results often begin with goals that seem impossible. But if you ask, "Should I give up when the odds are against me?" you'll get two very different perspectives.

"Ignore the odds! Just believe in yourself."

"Don't fight the odds! Why beat your head against a wall?"

So  how can you sort it out?

(1) Separate realistic from unrealistic odds.

Statistics can be misleading. Do 50% of all marriages end in divorce? Or do 50% of all people get divorced at least once?

Do most businesses fail? Or do 90% of people who start a business fail at least once (but go on to build two or three successful businesses)?

(2) Compare alternative ways to spend your time.

If you've been laid off from a senior position in a crowded industry, self-employment can make more sense than sending out resumes. And you may decide you enjoy writing your novel more than watching prime time television or reading other people's novels.

(3) Design a plan for success that doesn't depend on winning a single toss of the coin.

You to write a book about business leadership. Begin by designing workshops targeted to your future readers. Track attendance and get feedback.

Once you attract rave reviews for your workshops, you'll have a list of people who want to learn more. Now you start a newsletter. You start a profitable workshop program. Even if your book never finds a publisher, you've won.

Starting your own business? Keep a job hunt going at the same time. Most likely you'll find synergy, not energy drains.

Targeting an impossible job? Begin a networking campaign that might lead you there -- or help you reach an even better opportunity.

(4) Discover ways to tip the odds in your favor.

Authors get published when they've developed a great platform and proposal. Businesses succeed when entrepreneurs study their markets.

Often you can't find this information in a library book. You'll need to invest in training, networking and mentoring.

(5) Visualize how your life will look -- and feel -- once you've reached your impossible goal.

Feel free to use creative visualization and affirmations. But develop a day-by-day, realistic, down-and-dirty picture of your life as a published author, business owner, or corporate superstar. Find positive, inspiring role models.

A realistic perspective helps you get ready for a large dose of success - and also helps you stay motivated for the long climb.

Cathy Goodwin, Ph.D., is a published author, career/business consultant, and speaker. Subscribe to Your Next Move Ezine: Read one each week and watch your choices grow! mailto:subscribe@cathygoodwin.com http://www.cathygoodwin.com http://www.makewritingpay.com Play the Second Career Game to Win: http://tinyurl.com/7ag43

 

Experience Is The Best Teacher

We gather tools as we walk the road of life. So many we just put away and let dust gather on them as though they are bits of intellectual knowledge that have no bearing on our reality here and now. But the Shaman recognizes that every piece of knowledge, even every experience has a direct bearing on the path she walks today. My tools are out and polished, taken good care of, ready for use at any moment.

When the hunter sits in his tree watching for a big deer to walk by as food for his tribe, he doesn't sit there with just a knife. He has his bow and arrows ready and his knife too for the work of preparing the meat. He has a rope to bring the deer back to the tribe and water ready for his thirst. He knows his tools and has them ready. He incorporates rope, iron, water, wood in his walk, and into his life. He knows his tools and keeps them sharp and in good working order.

Speaking of experiences being available to help you today, I just had an IM from a student asking me to explain "speaking in tongues" as taught to her by the Pentacostals. If I had not experienced this myself I would not have had the tool to be able to teach her. But I realize the tools I have gathered, the experiences I have had all help to make me what I am today.

I throw nothing away that is of value, and I throw everything away that is not of value. Keeping a clean closet, having my medicine bag with me, I am ready to learn and to teach. I have room for more and new experiences and tools and my eyes are open to see these.

Another example, I have been reading about the healing properties of different kinds of cactus. Today as I was walking my dog I walked by a beautiful paddle cactus that had buds and was about to bloom. I blessed this experience and thanked Spirit for showing me this beautiful plant and its healing. Then I walked about four steps and saw at my feet a piece of this cactus plant lying in the road. It has a little bud as well. So again I thanked Spirit for this gift, found a cup, got some soil from the ground and planted the little paddle in the cup and brought it home to be with me here.

Is there a meaning to this? You bet! There is meaning to everything that happens to us. Each experience has a meaning. And I go on about experience here because so many of my students are into the knowledge, looking for knowledge, reading, studying, searching the web for answers when the answers for the Shaman are in the experience. Be the hunter and be aware.

Ask Spirit what is the meaning, accept the gifts you are shown and don't just throw them in a closet to catch dust but learn to work with them to find the meanings and the lessons they contain for you!

Shaman Elder Maggie Wahls has been a practicing traditional Shaman for over 50 years. She recently received a dispensation to reach out to those who have a desire to learn about a Shaman's path and now offers an online course at www.shamanelder.com. Many people on this earth have been Shamans in other lives and only need to reconnect with their lost knowledge and skills to bring shamanic healing back to Mother Earth and its peoples. This is Shaman Elder's goal. Please visit her website at www.shamanelder.com or write her an email for a free consultation at shaman@shamanelder.com

Controlling Behavior – How Do You Attempt to Control?

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Controlling behavior: Behavior intended to control your own feelings, control how people feel about you and treat you, or control the outcome of things.

All of us have grown up learning many different ways to control – we had to as part of our survival.

Perhaps you grew up in a family that used anger and criticism as forms of control and this became the role modeling for what you do now. Or you might have been a child who picked up on anger early, had temper tantrums, and you are still using anger as your primary form of control.

If anger and criticism was used in your family, you might have learned to respond to it with compliance – being a good girl or boy. You might have learned to put aside your own feelings and needs and go along with what others wanted in the hopes of controlling their feelings and actions toward you. You might use care-taking as your primary form of control.

Or, you might have decided to go in the opposite direction and resist others' attempts to control you. You might have decided that having control over not being controlled is what is really important. If you struggle with procrastination, you might want consider that resistance has become a major form of control for you.

Perhaps you decided as a child to just withdraw and shut out others' attempts to control you. You might have also decided to try to control your own feelings through addictions such as food, alcohol, drugs, work, TV, gambling, spending, and so on.

Finally, you might have decided that avoiding your feelings by staying in your head instead of your heart is the way to feel safe from pain. The abandonment of your own feelings – the lack of love for yourself - results in inner emptiness. Your emptiness becomes like a vacuum on others' energy, pulling on others to give you the love you need to fill your inner emptiness.

Most people chose a combination of the above ways of trying to control. For example, you might be a caretaker in the hopes of getting people to love and approve of you, and then you might turn to anger when that doesn't happen. You might find yourself giving in to what people want to a certain extent, and then retreating or resisting their attempts to control you.

You might find yourself being furious at someone's attempts to control you, but then giving in anyway to avoid his or her upset with you. Or perhaps you are a mellow person until you drink, and then you unleash your rage.

Or vice versa – you are nice only when you drink and you are a rageaholic the rest of the time. Or, on the surface you might be a nice and giving person, all the while pulling energetically for others' love, attention, and approval.

All of these behaviors are intended to protect you from some form of pain – the pain of rejection, of engulfment, of failure. Most people attempt in numerous ways to have control over getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe.

Yet it is these very behaviors that, as adults, are causing most of our pain. Anger feels terrible in the body, as does compliance. Being stuck in procrastination or withdrawal also feels awful, as does the emptiness of staying in your head instead of your heart. All these behaviors result in feeling alone inside, because they are all ways to abandon yourself. Controlling behavior is not loving to yourself or to others.

We've all heard that you can't love others until you love yourself, and this is very true. Loving yourself means that your focus is on what is truly in your highest good – what fills your heart with peace and joy and a deep sense of integrity and self worth.

Loving yourself means that you are asking throughout the day, "What is in my highest good in this moment?" It is never in your highest good to try to control others or use them to fill your own emptiness. Nor is it in your highest good to harm yourself or others in any way.

Try practicing throughout the day asking this question, "What is in my highest good right now?" Answers will come to you, and then you can take the loving action. This one shift in your thinking can change your life!

About The Author:

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions Available.

Let's Get to the Bottom of Low Self-Esteem

If you suffer from low self-esteem, it's because you don't know yourself well enough to appreciate how basically wonderful you are.  This is not empty flattery.  It is true.
 
Sadly, many of us are totally estranged from ourselves, from what really makes us tick.  This ignorance of our true nature results in relentless self-sabotage of both our work lives and all our relationships with people. 
 
Whether you call it fear of failure or fear of success, self-sabotage can manifest in any number of ways.  These behaviors run the gamut from seemingly harmless quirks to extreme masochistic behaviors.  Here's a small assortment:
 
- constant tardiness
- clumsiness, accident proneness
- failure to keep promises or honor commitments
- staying stuck in an unfulfilling job
- perfectionism
- feeling like a fraud, afraid that you'll be exposed
- feeling empty, hollow despite outward success
- workaholism
- consistently poor choice of partners
- being a jack of all trades, master of none
- not knowing what you want to be "when you grow up"
- life-threatening addictions
- self-mutilation
 
Self-sabotage, no matter how it sneaks in, ultimately results in not allowing ourselves to get what we want.  Why? The bottom line is that we feel we don't deserve it.
 
To overcome the effects of low self-esteem, it is not enough to recognize that we have it.  We need to understand WHY we have it.  We must get in touch with who and what we genuinely are rather than who and what we think we are.
 
We Must Clean Out Our Mental Filter 
 
We must sniff out the internalized messages from family and society that hinder our progress.  This is imperative, for it is through these core beliefs that all other ideas are filtered.
 
We cannot just slap a new behavior or some positive thinking onto a flawed subconscious belief.  Until the core beliefs are rectified, our progress will be spotty and short-lived at best.  
 
We absolutely must examine how these core beliefs came into being. You guessed it.  We need to go rummaging through our early childhood experiences.
 
I can hear it already.  "Oh, no, don't give me that `Poor Little Kid' routine!"
 
Okay, I won't.  Instead, I'll give you the "Who IS This Little Kid?" routine.  
 
When we go delving into our past to determine the underlying dynamics of our psyches, the goal is:
 
- Not to cast blame
- Not to pass judgment
- Not to fob off our responsibility onto someone else
 
We're not looking for what is good or what is bad, but simply what IS. 
 
It is vital that we grant ourselves permission to look closely at what happened to us as very young children. We are searching for clues to the Truth of our early history. 
 
Our goal is simply to appreciate our own personal saga and become fonder of ourselves in the process.  As we do so, we will automatically feel more entitled to be happy and fulfilled in both our work and love lives. 
 
That is our ultimate goal, and a worthier goal could not be had.
 
Where Else Do You Think You Can Look?
 
If your first reaction is to dismiss this idea as something you've heard about before, be aware that "knowing about" something is a far cry from understanding it or applying it.
 
And if you're one of the many who think you "don't need to go there," just know that you won't find your personal truth anywhere else.
 
Whether self-sabotage is ruining our lives or just quietly making us miserable, a start on the road to overcoming these self-defeating behaviors can be undertaken on our own.   
 
If we should get stuck along the road, professional help through private therapists, clinics, and school or job counselors is generally available.
 
Once the underlying dynamics of our self-defeating behaviors are exposed and dealt with, it will be much easier to stop self-defeating behaviors in their tracks, before they have a chance to undermine us.  
 
Once we reintegrate all of our personal power back into our  lives, a whole new vista of possibilities opens up before us.  This is a deeply exhilarating experience that none of us should miss.

Rosella Aranda, Editor, Author of Sabotage Thyself No More, an excellent guide to getting rid of self-defeating behaviors. http://www.SabotageThyselfNoMore.com/ Free mini-course! http://www.FromThoughtsToRiches.com/ Know How to Be Rich

The Amazing Powers Of Self Hypnosis

by Steve G. Jones

I want to share a success story about hypnosis for weight loss. There are so many, but this one stands out in my mind and touches my heart. I was working in the summer of 2004 with a young lady named Jen. She was 19 at the time and was scheduled to undergo gastric bypass surgery. This surgery is very drastic and involved stapling the stomach so that the person can no longer eat large meals. She also already had liposuction but regained all of her weight. Her father had died and all her mother wanted was for Jen to be happy.

As they both sat in my office in tears, Jen told me that this was her last attempt to lose weight before killing herself. After her mom left the room, we began the hypnosis session. While in a trance, Jen remembered being abused by her father. It was traumatic for her to recall this, but helpful at the same time. Jen also revealed that she had "built up a protective layer" with the excess weight. She explained while under hypnosis that the weight repelled men and kept her "safe."

After Jen was out of hypnosis, I invited her mom back into the office. The three of us discussed this unfortunate event. Her mom said that she had suspected that it happened, but never had proof until now. Jen returned the next week and we began working on re-building her self-esteem using hypnosis. This is very easy to do with hypnosis since the messages go directly to the subconscious mind. If you want to do this yourself, just make a tape with positive suggestions that you play in bed each night as you go to sleep.

In the four weeks that followed, I was able to reframe the way she felt about eating right, exercising, and taking care of herself in general. After only six sessions, I told Jen that I had done all the work we needed to do.

Last week, Jen sent me an e-mail with a picture. You see, I had programmed her to continue to eat right, exercise, and take care of herself. Well, the picture she sent looked like a model! Jen had gone from 325 lbs. to 115 lbs! The e-mail was even more inspirational. Here's what she wrote:

Dear Steve,

It has been a year since our last session. The pounds have been consistently dropping. I eat differently and don't even try to. I exercise three times a week and love it. Most importantly, my view of life is completely different now. I went from being overweight and suicidal to being thin, sexy, beautiful and totally confident. My mom is happier than ever and so is my husband. That's right! I am married. He's 6'4", an architect, and wants kids. I feel like I'm living the life of my dreams. Hypnosis is amazing. You taught me that I could do ANYTHING that I BELIEVE I can do. You are right. Feel free to share this letter with others. I want the world to know about the power of hypnosis and the power of the human mind!

With much love and respect,

Jen

In my line of work I get to see this happen often. Jen is one of the many people who decided to make a powerful change in her life. Hypnosis helped, but the change was really due to her commitment to herself. I hope that the sharing of Jen's journey will inspire you to create whatever powerful change you desire in your life. There are no obstacles, except the ones YOU create in your mind. Remove those obstacles, and you will easily live the life of YOUR dreams.

Copyright © 2005 Steve G. Jones, Clinical Hypnotherapist

About Steve: Steve G. Jones is a board certified Clinical Hypnotherapist. He is a member of the National Guild of Hypnotists, American Board of Hypnotherapy, president of the American Alliance of Hypnotists, on the board of directors of the Los Angeles chapter of the American Lung Association, and director of the California state registered Steve G. Jones School of Hypnotherapy. Learn more about his products by visiting: http://www.betterlivingwithhypnosis.com

Creating The Life YOU Want

Copyright © 2005 Chris Jackson
The Abundance Site

This is an overview of the creative process that I hope will trigger your curiosity and lead you to further question your personal understanding of how you create your life. I believe it is important to state from the outset that whilst this process does follow Universal laws it also unfolds uniquely through each individual; my purpose here is to share my experience and invite you to continually question your beliefs and motives around this topic.

Who am I to offer advice? Well I am one who lives a happy, full, balanced and peaceful life with a beautiful loving family and an income quite sufficient to meet my needs. I have been consciously creating my lifestyle for 10 years and am now refining, developing and sharing my understanding of how you to can live the life of your dreams.

The bottom line in all this is that "Thought Creates", all things began initially as an idea or impulse in somebody's mind. The truth of this is easy to recognise consciously. For instance, suppose you want to build a house. First comes the idea and desire to build a house, then that idea is nurtured and refined until the house is designed and drawn on paper. Then using the structure defined on those plans you and various trades people manifest your idea into three-dimensional physical reality as a house. I have thought this article into existence, and we are each continuously creating both consciously and sub consciously with our minds. There are many books on this subject with an excellent first book being Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life". However I urge you to really sense inward at what feels true and applicable to you as you read this text or any books; what works for Louise may not be the precise way for you. Her books, and everyone else's books on the subject for that matter, are simply the author's interpretation of the process, their experiences, not yours. Your task is to adapt the processes and teachings so that they fit into your life perfectly and effortlessly. It is finding your power and your truth that will really bring an element of effortlessness and confidence into the process as you become ever clearer as the creator of your life dream. What is your truth as you read this, how do you react, what is stirred within you? Look at these questions lightly, with quiet curiosity and have fun with them.

Step one is to observe your thoughts and feelings on what you are wishing to create or manifest. Are you focusing on what you want or what you do not want? Always focus on what you want and notice how uplifting that feels relative to focusing on what you do not want!

Watch the intent behind your thoughts and language carefully. For example, can you feel the subtle but profound difference in the relative creative strength and clarity of stating, "I want to pay all my bills by the due date this month" as opposed to "I don't want to be short of cash this month"? Or look back at a situation where you were faced with a whole range of choices (such as clothes shopping) but felt confused or undecided. It is only when you clarify what you want or are looking for that you are finally able to make a clear choice. Without that clarity you feel confused, frustrated, or thwarted even. You will rarely get anything you want if you only know what you do not want. You need clarity of desire, feeling and motive to create efficiently.

Is what you are wishing to create based upon a belief or feeling of fear and lack, for instance wanting a lot of money in order to feel totally secure or safe? Money can only bring security in limited areas of your life. True security comes with the presence of a feeling of faith and trust that up wells from deep within you, in really knowing that you are in the perfect place (in each and every moment) from which to create the next moment of your experience of life. As Eckhart Tolle reminds us in his book "The Power Of Now"

"Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have."

Accessing this full peaceful awareness becomes easier with practice and an increasing clarity of intent and desire to feel it. Have you really considered though, how many awful or difficult situations you have been involved in that have not finally, in hindsight, turned out to be for the best, even if only for the wisdom you gained from the experience? Now, you are really going to struggle with manifesting your longings if you do not truly believe that you deserve to have them fulfilled. A positive belief in your deservedness is key; without it your best efforts may prove fruitless and you will find crisis and self sabotage continually thwarting you. How can you draw the perfect job, partner or lifestyle into your life if you do not really think and feel (both consciously and subconsciously) that you are deserving of that?

A key part of manifesting work is re-programming and clearing your negative beliefs, fears and judgements that block your sense that you deserve happiness or abundance. This means, in part, focusing on your strengths above your perceived weaknesses and continually recognising your successes. Truly celebrating every success however small. By doing this you lift yourself into a far more energised and positive mental and emotional state from which to create; when you feel positive your creations and experiences reflect that. Make a point of choosing to adopt a happy outlook.

Practice recognising the abundance all around you, rejoicing in the exuberance of nature, celebrate the good fortune of others, and seeing what is right, hopeful and encouraging in the world. Nurture what you want in yourself and applaud the successes of others.

The life creation process is really quite simple.

# Clarify what it is you are wishing to manifest.

# Determine why you want, feel, need and deserve this.

# Set quiet time aside to allow yourself the full feeling of "knowing" that this desire is now on its way to being fulfilled in your life.

# Do whatever personal practices you require to maintain your positive attitude and feelings of faith and optimism high.

# Continually note what action is required on your part to bring your creation into existence and act upon it. Right thought leads to right action; you will have to get some things done. Think - Feel - Do

Some of many examples from my life:-

* After a series of mostly fun but ultimately failed relationships I finally sat down and wrote down what it was I was seeking in my perfect partner. A couple of months later I met my wife to be and the mother of our two children on my first and only blind date about five hundred miles from where I live.

* When I started my business some thirteen years ago I had one small project that barely paid the rent. However I simply knew the time was right and that somehow something would turn up. I then got a "chance" phone call, in the nick of time, that lead to a project that financed the full start up of my business and established me strongly in the market.

* I have at times taken on projects where I have not had the skilled staff to complete them. People with the necessary skills have always phoned asking for a job and I now have a workforce that is almost entirely self-managing.

* My partner and I sat down to decide on the new home we wished to live in. A few months later a property came on the market that fit the bill very closely and as it was leasehold we could afford it.

* A couple of years ago I was faced with two huge tax bills (for more than triple my total annual earnings) following problems with un-profitable yacht projects and a dispute with the tax authorities. After discussions and negotiations these bills were very substantially reduced and although I had to sell some assets. I also had business projects become profitable and the bill was paid.

As I have worked at understanding my beliefs, my fears, and the workings of this cr