Overcome Conversation Power Plays: 5 Steps To Success
by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.
You
know how frustrated you feel when you're in a one-sided conversation,
you have something important to say, and you just can't seem to get
through.
In a conversation power play, it is assumed that if
someone can successfully avoid responding to you, he or she wins.
You are supposed to fold your tent and silently steal away-or the
modern equivalent, just shut up and listen and act as if the most
powerful person in control.
If you stay quiet, you agree and she wins.
But...You don't have to be a loser. Instead of just
fantasying violence or giving up in disgust, use these steps.
1. Repeat yourself. Yes, the first step is that simple,
just repeat the words that were ignored before.
If you don't get a response...
2. Answer whatever they have said, briefly. Then immediately
say, "And I just said..." and repeat yourself again.
If he doesn't respond yet and goes on with his original
point...
3. Feedback what they have just said using these words,
"I understand that you (want, believe, intend) to (repeat his
point). What I don't understand is how that relates to ...."
Now repeat your original point again.
Still no response?
4. Up the pressure again by commenting on the conversation,
"I have said this 3 times, and you are acting as if you have
not heard me at all."
Now, depending on your objective, you have more choices.
Here are two possibilities.
5a. If your objective is to get co-operation, say
this. I need your view (or response to what I told you) in order to
help you accomplish (a mutual objective)."
or
5b. If you want to defuse the situation and allow
him to save face while you de-escalate the power struggle, you can
assume the blame for the uncomfortable conversation. "I'm sorry,
I must not have communicated clearly about...."
Frequently a power play will be stopped at step one
or two. You can go to step 5 a or b, at any time, in order to refocus
the conversation.
Copyright 2005 Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.
Laurie Weiss, Ph.D., author of "The Integrity
Course", is an internationally known executive coach, psychotherapist,
and author. For more simple secrets for learning how to say what you
think without getting fired or losing your friends, visit http://www.TheIntegrityCourse.com
or email: feedback@laurieweiss.com
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