Using Metaphors to Connect and Communicate

By Susan Dunn, MA, EQ & Life Coach

Being a coach, I'm in the business of words. I coach individuals, and I also train and certify EQ coaches. I work internationally, by telephone, so it's all speaking or listening. The client can't see my facial expressions, gestures, posture or eye contact, nor can I see theirs.

Words are important, as we use them to advise, influence, motivate, encourage, support, bond, and communicate both ideas and feelings. At our best, we use words to paint pictures. Words are powerful. They also have severe limitations.

To circumvent this, the true geniuses among us use metaphor. As Aristotle said, "[T]he greatest thing by far is to be a master of metaphor." It is "a sign of genius since a good metaphor implies an intuitive perception of the similarity in dissimilars."

The word "metaphor" comes from the Greek "to carry something across," or "transfer." A good metaphor can convey a wealth of information in few words and carry great impact because they circumvent the analytical (argumentative!) left-brain.

To find out how they work, we interviewed a master of metaphor, Nancy R. Fenn. She is a professional astrologer and intuitive healer who hosts a vast network of resources for introverts and intuitives at www.theintrovertzcoach.com and www.bemyastrologer.com.

Me: Nancy, I've heard you use some incredible metaphors in working with clients. How did you get started using metaphors?

Nancy: To begin with, metaphors are the natural language of the kind of introvert I am, infp, called the poet or the healer. I don't think the other kind of language ever made much sense to me. Here is a quote I love from the French write Gustave Flaubert, "Language is a cracked kettle on which we bang out tunes to make the bears dance, when what we long for is to move the stars to pity."

I think the reason metaphors are so powerful is that they bypass the left side of the brain entirely and put us in touch with the part of us that "knows," the intuition. Metaphors can also move us tremendously through appeal to emotion.

It can be said in astrology that all things are about cycles and so the cycles of nature are a very good place from which to draw metaphors. This is essentially what the Romans were doing with their bird entrails and before them, the Chinese with their cracked tortoise shells. The tortoise shell was burned until it cracked and the resulting patterns were interpreted in a book called the I Ching.

The entire book is nature metaphor. For example, if I want advice for my situation and I receive the Hexagram called "Darkening of the Light," I know at a gut level what to expect, don't I? The ancient Chinese consulted the I Ching on everything from when to plant crops to when to wage war.

I also think I developed this ability from reading and enjoying Shakespeare. Shakespeare was an infp introvert, too. His language really touches the soul.

Me: Can you give us an example of some metaphors you use?

Nancy: It's best when they arise spontaneously because it's my way of contacting the soul of the other person, but an example might be, "Ships come in over calm waters," or "When your ship comes in, don't be down at the bus depot." I like to draw metaphors from daily life. Here's another one, "Would you use a fork to enjoy your soup?"

Me: Why do you think metaphors work so well?

Nancy: It depends on what you mean by "work." They aren't really intentional, they're the result of having developed my own intuition so I'm contacting the truth in a situation and revealing it through comparing something known with something unknown, something visible with something invisible. They actually reveal as much to me as they do to the other person when spoken.

The four elements make terrific metaphors. "You're on fire now." "You're treading water." "From here, you can see forever." (That one's for air) And now one for earth, well, here's a famous one, "How can you fall if you're standing on the ground?"

Me: Was there a time when someone used a metaphor with you that really gave you insight?

Nancy: Absolutely! I have been reading for years for a Ph.D. psychologist who runs focus groups around the country in her field of specialty. It was this woman's use of metaphor that stimulated my own. Whenever she came to something she wanted to understand better, she would compare it to something I would be expected to know about already. For example, she might say she was feeling awkward. I would ask for elaboration. She would reply "Did you ever get caught driving by someone's house when you thought they weren't home?"

You see, Susan, there was a time when all language was metaphor, even the word meta-phor - to carry or transfer. Language is so abstract that it is constantly trying to refer back to something less abstract.

Churchill's way of dealing with this problem of drifting too far from the gut into the head in reaching people, was to stick to four and five-letter words and especially words derived from the common language of the Saxons rather than Latin or French.

Study his speeches. He stays away from erudite words. People think this man was a spontaneous speaker but he rehearsed his speeches endlessly before delivering them. Me: Ah, "Never give up. Never, never, never never."

Nancy: Yes. Also metaphors make the medicine go down so much easier. A lot of times a good metaphor makes me laugh. I can't even begin to think of the metaphors this woman used because her speech is peppered with them. As in all aspects of consciousness-raising, accessing the part of the brain that understands and can use metaphor is mostly learned by hanging out with someone else who's already doing it.

Me: I'm sure people benefit from coaching with you in this area. Now tell me, when's a good time to use a metaphor with someone?

Nancy: Any time is a good time but especially if you are getting bored with the conversation. It will amuse and delight you and perhaps them as well.

Me: Well, Nancy, thanks for talking with us about metaphors. You make it sound like a piece of cake.

Nancy: You're welcome. Once you get the hang of it, it's like falling off a greased log. Oh, here's a good one: A card reading is not about "telling your fortune" any more than giving you a medical diagnosis is about causing your illness.

In sum, metaphor is both pleasing and useful. Incidentally, folk wisdom is full of them. My mom told me when I was little "the early bird gets the worm." I got the gist of it because of when she said it, and that's often good enough. My partner's father used the phrase, "Don't miss the bus."

They're essential in explaining complex concepts, which is why coaches and therapists are fond of them. I remember in psychology grad school when we had our first practice clients. We kept asking where to start. "Start anywhere," said the professor. "All roads lead home."

Using metaphors can enrich your life and relationships, in both speaking and writing, at home and at work. Start developing this skill today!

(C)Susan Dunn, MA, EQ & Life Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Nancy R.Fenn, professional astrologer and intuitive healer, www.theintrovertzcoach.com . Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc or nancy@bemyguide.net for information, ezines, coaching.